Your average shower spider doesn’t freak me out. They’re a valuable part of the ecosystem and the food chain, so I realize their existence is necessary.
But spiders that can jump or have huge, round bodies freak me out. They can all die.
There’s a story to go with this. The dorm building I live in is nice, but it definitely has flaws. For example, my window is square, but the screen that’s supposed to fit it is kind of shaped like a trapezoid. Maybe a buffalo charged it – I don’t know – but it doesn’t fit in my window. As a result, there are large gaps that used to let in wasps on a daily basis until I duct taped it shut.
The door jambs are just about as flimsy, but I tried not to let it worry me. I can handle a couple bugs.
Until two days ago.
I was getting ready for work and minding my own business. I left my room, shut the door behind me and went to the kitchen for some water. On the way back, I stopped to casually chat with the girl who lives across from me, but something caught my eye on my door.
“ARRRGHHHHHHH OHMYGODITMOVES!” I screamed. I’m pretty sure I woke up everyone in a 2-mile radius if they were trying to sleep, and for that, I’m sorry.
“What, what, what is it?” my friend dashed out of her room in her shorts, holding a single flip-flop as her weapon of choice.
“Sorry,” I said, catching my breath. “I’m not afraid of spiders, but that one jumped!”
I pointed at the black, bulbous, throbbing, eight-legged-freak hanging from a strand of web in front of my door. It couldn’t have been bigger than the nail on my middle finger, but it was a quick little sucker. He had jumped about a foot downward in a split second, so I wasn’t going to allow him to live.
“Here,” my friend handed me her flip-flip. “I’m not going to do it, but you can use this.”
She didn’t have to say it twice.
R.I.P Anonymous Evil Spider
Unknown – May 2013